Gabe's Day

It's hard to believe that this Wednesday will be 1 year since Gabe's adoption was finalized. It's hard to believe STILL that this awesome, totally fun, "appy" boy is ours. As I think back about last year, I think of all the dread, the hurt, the wonder, and the pain. I think about how proud I felt on the witness stand to say, "Yes, he is MY son". I remember tearing up while the lawyers questioned us: "Will you always love this child?" "Will you treat this child as any other child you may have naturally or adopted in the future?" "Do you realize your child will inherit from you, just like a naturally born child?"

I remember being kind of insulted by the questions. Part of me felt like saying, "He was mine from the moment I met him." Because he was. That child captured my heart the very minute I saw him through the double door windows of the maternity ward at the hospital. I could see that he was long, red, and screaming! He was mine when I held him and wept because our dreams finally came true. He was mine when I fed him for the first time. He was mine when we laid him on the hospital bed just to look at his precious face. He was mine when he turned his head when he was a day old towards our voices. Somehow, he knew us. Somehow he knew to look for us - that he would be safe, loved, and treasured forever.

I cannot begin to imagine the tender moments Gabe's birth mom spent with him in the hospital and the time she had him at home. All I know is that he captured her heart as well. She will always, always love him. I just wanted to make it clear that she spent a lot of time with him as well. She bonded with him. And, still, he continues to capture her heart too.

On Wednesday, we will celebrate as a family, Gabe's special day. The day it became legal and final. But, to me, it wasn't August 20th really that he became mine. It was January 14, 2007 - the day he was born. The day we met. The day I'll never forget - the day I became a Mommy.

Gabe, I "la yu" way up to the Stars,
Mommy

Baby's First Birthday

Gabe's first birthday was so wonderful. So many people came to help us celebrate this day. Gabe had a great time. He wasn't feeling the best, but he actually had fun and behaved very well. He got a lot of nice gifts and completely demolished his cake!

Here's the little man walking around greeting his guests! He was asleep when the first guests arrived!

Here is our house... It was crowded to say the least. I guess I underestimated seating arrangements. I felt bad that everyone was so crammed, but what do you do?

I love this photo. Look how excited he is to dig into that cake! (Note: Cake was made by Aunt Missy and all of these photos - as well as those from the previous post - were taken by Kimberly Knight)

The cake (or what was left of it).

Love this photo. This is what the guys did half of the time. The other half of the time, they were using my son's toys (and anything else they could find) to hit eachother in the balls. Yes, I was proud of my hubby's behavior that day. Whatever gets you through it!

And, finally, the very happy family. What a wonderful day. Thank you to all of our family and friends for making our special day such a great one. We had a wonderful time and appreciate your gifts, love, and company.

Monday night, we had a visit with Gabe's birth family. We asked our parents to stop by so they would have a chance to visit with them as well. I really wanted them to at least talk with Gabe's birth family one time (other than the hospital room). It went so well. Both sets of parents said they weren't uncomfortable at all. It felt like they'd known them for a long time. That made Greg and I feel great. Gabe's birth family seemed very at ease too. I had asked his birth mom if it was ok if they stopped in and she was thrilled about it. Gabe's birth family also brought him some really awesome gifts! He loves each of them - some mega blocks, a rocking horse, a Tonka crane, a farm set, and a walker/car. It was like each of those gifts was perfect for him! Gabe made them laugh and he did a lot of his "tricks"!

I think of his birth mom every single day. That is no exaggeration. I hope she is handling all of this ok. I hope she knows that not a day goes by that we aren't thankful, so extremely thankful, that she chose us to be his parents. I hope she doesn't resent me or think I think I'm better than she is. Because I don't. I care very much for her and I hope she knows that too.

I had mentioned in a previous post a woman that was very angry about adoption coercing. I've thought a lot about this woman. I feel awful for her. I want to tell her so badly that adoptive parents are not free from hurt in the adoption process. We hurt thinking of our child's birth mom. Of course, we will never feel the amount of pain Gabe's birthmom felt. The day we brought him home was bittersweet for us. His birthday was not all joy - there was pain there too. I thought a lot about Gabe's birthmom that day. We are not cold, selfish people who only want to satisfy this need to be a parent. We are loving, caring people who realize what we've gained someone else has lost. But, I won't be telling this woman this, for fear that I'll be called every name under the sun. I can only hope and pray that some day she finds peace.

Well, that's all for today (finally!)

The Birthday Boy

Did somebody say "Cake"??

Mmmm... So Good!


Cleaning up after the cake

Just a couple of pics... I'm too tired to blog tonight! I'll provide more detail of the par-tay later. Gabe's mom is tired!

Juno

Gabe's Mom went (along with Gabe's Dad, Aunt Ne, Aunt Keeker & Matt, & Uncle Dan) to see Juno. It was excellent! SO many favorite lines:

"That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet"

Or

"This is your third test today, Mama Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it."

Or

"And Blair Witch Project was about to come on Starz, and you were like, "I haven't seen this in forever" and you wanted to watch it, but then you were like "Oh no, we should just make out instead. La la la."

I found myself able to relate to a lot of the things the adoptive parents did to prepare... I remember straightening the flowers/magazines before Gabe's birth family came over to visit (although this was after Gabe's birth). I also remember asking the adoption case worker, "Are you sure she still wants to go through with this? How sure is she? ..." I could see myself in the adoptive mom for sure. I also thought there was some things that weren't portrayed accurately, but it's a movie. I did say on the way home in the car last night that I bet the adoption blogs will be going on and on about this movie (just like I'm doing now!)

Yes, Gabe's mom did cry. There was one part I about couldn't take, but I won't spoil the movie for you! Go see it. It's fantastic.

I'll post some pics soon of Gabe's birthday... We had a photographer come over to catch some candids... As soon as they're ready, this is where they'll be. We had a great time at his party. I'll include more details later!

Here's a new pic of the 1 year old:

Counting Down

Tomorrow marks one week until Gabe's first birthday. I put together a couple of photos to show just how much he's grown in a year:

The adorable little newborn outfit you see here was what he wore the day he came home from the hospital, to the adoption agency, and then to our house. That outfit swam on him. He looked so tiny:

He was just so tiny! It's amazing how much he's grown. Here is a picture of his shoes then and now:

How precious... his tiny little feet! Look at the clompers to the right! These pictures are making me tear up. I just can't believe my little baby is now a toddler. He is walking so much right now. I went through a lot of his baby clothes and keepsakes trying to get more organized today. So many memories came back. I remember when we brought him home, Greg and I didn't talk much in the car. We were just blown away by all of the events that day - the anxiety of waiting while Gabe's birthmom took him home for a few hours, the empty stomachs and full plates of food in front of us at Logans, Grant taking Greg (& me along) to buy cigars, the raw emotion experienced in the adoption agency office, the painful goodbyes, the wonderful joy of holding our son, and the immediate love for this child who was placed in our care.

The little t-shirt he wore while in the hospital was among the keepsakes. I carefully unfolded it, looked at it, and smelled it, and I didn't smell baby. As I folded it back up and carefully placed it back in with his keepsakes from that day, it reminded me that the baby is gone and a child is now here. A toddler is here. My little guy is here. He's ours for good and I'm so happy.

Gabe, Mommy & Daddy can't wait to celebrate your 1st birthday with you. Speaking of Daddy, we're so glad he's back!