Why I love being a parent

As much as I've promised to be a better blogger, lately it just hasn't been happening! I think it's because I really do take a lot of time writing each post I create... revising, adding pictures, etc... I probably could do it faster, but I'm kind of particular. I probably need to get over that.

I've been thinking about this post for a while. What is my favorite thing about being Gabe's Mom? Well, I think after our recent trip to the Shedd Aquarium, I've discovered my answer. I'd have to say my absolute favorite thing about being Gabe's mom is watching him truly enjoying something and having the time of his life. I love seeing him happy. Seeing Gabe enjoy something, or experiencing something new is just the most wonderful thing to witness. He was so happy at the Shedd. He (and his friend, Caleb) were fixed on some of the exhibits and it was difficult to even get them to move on to the next one! I loved seeing the smile on his face and hearing the excited giggles as he saw one of the fish move towards him. Or, when he was delighted as a turtle began to follow his movements from behind the glass. Joy. Pure joy beaming from my son's face.

I am so blessed to experience that! I am so thankful that his birth mom was able to sacrifice moments like these to make the best decision for him. I always remember her when I think about things like this. Yes, she does see him every three months, but she misses out on the day to day experiences that make him smile. She misses out on him learning new things. She misses his big smile when he goes potty on the potty chair.

On the other hand, I guess she is missing out on the not so fun moments too! Tantrums, ah those tantrums, angry hitting when he doesn't get his way, and the runny noses wiped on my shirt....

Oh yes, those moments too! But, I think God gives us those wonderful moments like the new experiences, the hugs goodnight, the "love you too mom"s, and the "play little bit"s to renew us and recharge our batteries when we get weary from the not so fun moments. How amazing is that? It is mind-boggling to me that God would know how we would need those moments to forget about the temper tantrums and the hitting the day before. It just all melts away.

When Gabe wakes up in the morning (like if he wakes up on his own and he doesn't have to be woken up to go to daycare - he doesn't really like to wake up on someone else's time frame), that is my favorite time of the day. I've said that from the time he was born. This might be weird to say, but I miss him when he sleeps. I need the break by time he goes to bed, but I sure do look forward to seeing him first thing in the morning. I think that's another gift God gives parents.

So, I just wanted to get this down. My favorite thing about being a mom - a mom to Gabe, and my favorite gift - the blessings God has clearly given us in being parents. I can't get over how God had it all figured out. It's just amazing.

About Mother's Day

It was a great Mother's Day this year... We went to Gabe's Dad's parents' house and spent the afternoon there. We celebrated Mother's Day with my mom a couple of days before. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful mom and mother in law. They have been so supportive of us and our family. I hope that someday Gabe will feel the same about me. I am very fortunate to have my mom, Greg's mom and my sisters in law, Missy and Jen in my life because they are wonderful examples of what Moms should be. They have all taught me so much about being a mom - loving my child, teaching my child, disciplining my child, etc... I love each of these women so much.

Here are my awesome "in laws". We had a great Mother's Day with them.

My sisters in law and my mother in law.

Laughing at PawPaw. I love this picture even though I look like a major dork.

Gabe learning how to play baseball with "Uncle Jesse" (he calls Uncle Jeffy "Uncle Jesse"!)

Picking Momma a flower.

Gabe with his cousins. I LOVE this picture because this facial expression is SO Gabe.

And, it was a Happy Mother's Day for this Momma Bird too! These baby birds hatched that morning!

I know I should be used to the fact by now, but sometimes I have to stop and and tell myself again that I'm a mom! I just still can't believe that I am so blessed. I never knew that it would be this wonderful. I am really, truly enjoying this age. Tonight, Gabe and I played "Spiderman" up in the playhouse while Daddy mowed below. I never thought that the highlight of my day would be throwing fake punches and pretending to be "got by the bad guy", but it really was. We had an absolute blast. He laughed so hard, and so did I! He kept saying, "More Mommy!" and he'd just laugh and laugh and laugh. Just sitting here now, I could cry thinking about how much I love my little boy.

I thought of all of you waiting moms out there too, like I do every Mother's Day. I know how hard it is to hold out hope for your child. That you will conceive, or that your child's birth mom will stay healthy carrying your child, or that your overseas trip will be a safe one, etc... All I can tell you is don't give up - hold out hope. God knows the desires of your heart. Pray. Wait. Hope. Endure... I promise you...

God will fulfill the desires of your heart. He knows what is best for you. I prayed that God would fulfill my heart's desire and He did. Bigger and better than I ever could have imagined. He will do that for you too. I really believe that. And, if having a child isn't a part of His plan for you, I believe He will fill that missing piece in another way. I believe He will make you complete, as long as He is the center of it all.

So, waiting moms, I am thinking of you as I know this time of year is a tough one. But, know that those of us who walked in your steps still have you on our minds. I know I haven't forgotten how it felt to be a Mom without a child. So, until that moment...

Pray. Wait. Hope. Endure.

I believe God will provide for you too.

Random Thoughts on Being Two - to catch everyone up!

• Temper tantrums are becoming more frequent... and lasting longer...
• Bedtime is becoming a little more difficult - Gabe watches a movie in his room, but decides that would be the best time for a #2 diaper.
• We still can't shake that baba... even though it is mostly filled with water, he still wants it, scratch that - needs it.
• Hugs and kisses are becoming more frequent. Especially in the last week. He's been very affectionate! It's been so nice.
• He's started saying new things: "No Way!" when he doesn't want to do something. "Um, cuz..." when you ask him a question. "Why?" when he doesn't like the answer to a question (I thought this was supposed to happen later??)
• His pretend play is SO much fun to watch. I love watching him when he doesn't know I'm watching. It is so neat to watch him play with his toys and to actually hear him say what he is thinking.
• Potty training is going great - especially at daycare. He went 3 days in a row with no accidents AND waking up from his naps dry. At home on the other hand, he doesn't want to use the potty. We haven't been pushing it... we've heard when he's ready, he's ready.
• Gabe's appetite is pretty narrow. Lately, all he wants is hotdogs and "putchet" (ketchup). He loves Special K cereal too.
• He's recently taken an interest in drawing with markers and crayons.
• He knows the shapes hearts, circles, triangles and sometimes squares.
• Sometimes if he's in a bad mood, he tells me to "go away" and sticks his foot out and kicks. This was really, REALLY hard for me the first few times he did it. I found that if I let him see a hurt reaction, he knows he's found a weak spot. So, I just stand my ground and tease him and say, "No, you go away!" and then I tickle him and we laugh about it instead.

All in all, terrible 2's haven't been terrible, they've just brought on a whole new set of challenges. Even though it's a tough stage, I still love it. I love hearing my son talk. I love hearing him say "La Yu too, Mommy" when he goes to bed. I love watching him pray, and peek his eyes open every now and then. It was so cute the first time we saw him bow his head and then lift it up to see if everyone else was. Greg and I both asked each other after the prayer, "Did you see that? Were you watching him too?"

Even though this is tough, even though every day brings its challenges, I still find myself tearing up when I stop and think about how much I love this little boy. How when I stop and try and remember a moment without him, I can't. He's changed our lives so much. He's changed our hearts and our thought processes. He's made us a family.

Now that he's much more talkative, we've talked a little bit more about his birth mom. Every night before bed, I ask him:

"Who's tummy did you grow in?"
Gabe says his birthmom's name.
"Where did you grow with Mommy?"
Gabe says, "Mommy's heart."

In preparing for the adoption, we went through a lot of classes. We were taught to teach our children age-appropriate information about their birth parents. So, this is one way I've tried to approach keeping the adoption an open topic of conversation in our house.

One more thing about being two... With the introduction to underpants, Greg thought it would be a good idea to show Gabe how to put them on his head.

You Been Farmin' Long?

This has to be one of my all time favorite pictures. I love love love that Caleb's Mommy wanted to come out to the farm with us to take photos of the boys. They were SO photogenic (for toddlers!!) and we got some AMAZING pictures. I am absolutely thrilled with how they turned out. This season has been one that I've been waiting for. From the time Gabe was really little, I knew he was going to be into trucks and tractors - he's always been a true boy. So, I knew when he was old enough to be walking and talking, that harvest was going to be a fun one. And it sure has been. Thursday night, we surprised Papa and stopped by the field to ride a couple of rounds in the combine. Gabe didn't want to leave! Then, Friday, we took Caleb and Darci out to the farm to get some pictures. Here are a few more:

Hey, Papa's down here... maybe if we keep walking, we can hitch a ride back in the combine!

See, Caleb, when I'm bigger, I'm going to be a farmer like my Papa.

Couldn't resist trying to get a picture of the boys' feet in overalls. I was hoping to get one with them walking in the grass, but that didn't work out so well. I'm happy with this one! And, it's gotten the most Flickr views! That's kinda cool! If you want to see even more of these pics, you can visit my Flickr photos here.

Darci and I are so blessed to have these two awesome boys. These boys were prayed for together. Darci felt Caleb move for the first time on the day we brought Gabe home from the hospital. When Darci held Gabe for the first time, Caleb kicked. God has truly blessed us with having boys that can grow up together.

The Beginning - Part 3

If you have been following our story, you'll know it's been awhile since I've written about the adoption journey that lead us to these doors. When I took this picture, Gabe's birthmom was in labor and I was pacing back and forth. Greg and Gabe's birthmom's brother were sitting and talking. I was pacing.

Let me back up a bit though. I left off here in case you want a refresher as to where we are. So, it's June, we're on the list, and we're waiting. Every couple of weeks, I email our agencies to see if there's any news, but each time they tell me that they will let us know. So, we spent a lot of time in June just doing things together and spending quality time with our friends. During June, we had a great little motorcycle day trip and I believe we went to Darci & Craig's cottage. Also, I was on LA Weightloss at the time and I had just lost 26 pounds. Things were going great. In fact, in July - July 18th - I found out I was pregnant.

I couldn't believe it. We weren't trying. We were very happy to be on the adoption waiting list - we were so excited to be adopting our first child. We really felt like this is right where the Lord had directed us. We thought it was His plan. Little did we know, His plan would include this pregnancy.

We were beaming. We couldn't contain our joy and didn't delay in telling our family. We told them that night. Greg's parents had a dinner for the farm and my parents were camping. Greg's mom and dad thought we were talking about adoption - we showed them a Harley jacket for a baby. My mom squealed. My dad actually had to tell my mom to be quiet because we were at the campground. Greg's parents came to the campground too. We got pictures together and spent the evening just saying, "I can't believe it."

I went to my first ultrasound at around 5 1/2 weeks and the doctor saw a flickering heartbeat. We were even able to hear it. My mom and Greg's mom were with us and we were all crying. I was shaking so hard from crying that they had to tell me to stop so they could hear the baby. I will never ever forget the sound of that beautiful heartbeat. The doctor told me he wanted to do another sonogram in 10 days to make sure things were going smoothly. Greg left in a couple of days for a motorcycle trip with his dad, so Greg's mom would be going to that appointment with me.

A couple of days after we found out about the pregnancy, we received a call from one of our adoption agencies that a woman was in labor and wanted to meet some couples. We really felt that we had to say, "no" because we didn't think it would be fair to the other families waiting to have a child, if we were to be chosen. Also, I don't know if we could've handled 2 children at once! To this day, I still think maybe my pregnancy saved me from a potentially bad situation - not that it was the reason I was pregnant, but it was a factor in saying "no" to meeting that birth mom. Maybe the birth mom would've chosen us. Maybe she would've changed her mind in the 2 week window that the state of Missouri has. Maybe the situation with the birth father would have been trouble. Who knows.

At the next doctors appointment, I was scheduled for another sonogram. I was so unbelievably excited. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I bought a pregnancy journal and started a Mother's Journal for our baby. I wrote that I couldn't wait to see the baby again. When the nurse did the sonogram, she had a really hard time finding the heartbeat. She said she needed to call the doctor in. I knew immediately that the baby was gone. They didn't have to tell me. I knew. In fact, throughout the time I was pregnant, I think I always knew that I wouldn't get an opportunity to raise this child. Don't ask me how I knew... I just did. Mother's intuition, maybe.

The doctor came in and told me & Greg's mom the terrible news that I had a missed miscarriage. We were devastated. I will always remember that day. It's almost like I can replay it in my mind, but I'm watching it all happen from above - I know that probably sounds weird, but that's how I recall it. Greg's mom was absolutely fantastic. We had friends visiting, people praying, and others that would just hug me while I cried. I have never experienced something so painful in all my life. Greg and his dad came home and Greg and I looked at each other and just didn't know what to say. I had a procedure done and found out that there was nothing wrong with the baby chromosome-wise. This was good news, according to the doctor. To me, I was just even more frustrated. There was no explanation. No reason why our child was gone. I still grieve the child we lost. I still think of her every due date anniversary and every anniversary when I found out she was gone. Her loss was agony. I couldn't understand why God fulfilled the desires of my heart and then so quickly took her away. I don't think I'll ever understand that. I have blogged more about my thoughts on the miscarriage on my other site.

After a couple of months, we informed our agencies that we were ready to be back on the list. We weren't going to try the common infertility drugs like Lupron & Clomid again. We still felt like we were meant to adopt. Sure, we may get pregnant in the future, but right now, adoption was God's way. So, we were reactivated. And.... we wait.

I'm trying to decide if I should go on and make this the longest blog post ever... I guess I will. Grab a cup of coffee or a soda, and chat with me for a bit longer...

In January, we received a call from Adoptions of Illinois. There was a birth mom due with a little boy and she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. She was due very soon. The birth mom wanted to meet us after reading our profile. We were ecstatic. When Greg called me to tell me, I was sitting in the parking lot of our pharmacy. All I could say was, "Greg, we might have a boy. A son." It was Monday, and we were leaving for a cruise on Friday. Wednesday, 2 days after receiving the call, we met with Gabe's birth mom, mother, and best friend.

Instantly, we seemed to hit it off with them. We talked about movies, likes, dislikes, hobbies, discipline plans, goals, religion, etc... any big or little topic, we covered. They were all so easy to talk to. Greg and I had decided before we even walked in the room we were going to completely be ourselves. No "super parent" attitude. No, "we're the perfect couple". We wanted his birth family to choose us because we're us. That's the best thing we could've done. They liked us! That day, that room was filled with laughter, a few tears (from me when I talked about becoming a parent some day), and calmness. When we walked out of the room (I still can't believe I said this...) I said to Greg, "We nailed it! It went so well!" That totally seems to contradict the "be yourself" attitude we had when going in there. I think I was just so excited that I meant, "We did just what we said we'd do and they liked us! I think they may pick us!"

We didn't know for sure if we should go on the cruise since Gabe's birth mom was due so soon. She thought we should still go and she definitley wouldn't base her decision on whether or not we'd be here. So, reluctantly, we decided to go. While on the ship, (a week after meeting her) we received an email that Gabe's birth mom had chosen us. We were going to be parents. We told my parents first because we were on the cruise with them and then called Greg's parents. We also called Darci & Craig. We were so excited, we ran out of our room on the ship trying to find my parents. When we told them, mom squealed (again) causing our neighbors to open their door. When we told them the news, they handed us a bottle of wine and said, "Here, you need to celebrate!".

On our way home from the cruise, Thursday, one week and one day after meeting Gabe's birth mom, we found out that she had started to dialate. We were freaking out thinking we wouldn't make it home in time. We didn't know that a woman could dialate days before the birth! Friday night, my mom, my mother in law, and my sister in law went shopping with me to buy all the necessities for baby. It was so much fun. AND, overwhelming. I couldn't believe it. I was going to be a Mommy. That Sunday, just 11 days after meeting his birth mom, Gabe was born at 12:59 pm.

There you have it. Our Story. It's a great one, isn't it? Gabey, we love you and we couldn't have planned it any better than it unfolded.

To you, love Momma

Dear Gabe,
Today is your day. When we asked you this morning "Is today YOUR day?" You smiled at us and said, "Che-yeah". Today is the anniversary of the finalization of your adoption. One year ago today, you legally became a part of our family.

Gabe, we are not celebrating this day because we became a family that day, because we did not. We became a family the minute we met you. You were forever a part of us from that moment. We are celebrating today, just as a reminder of how very special your part in this family is. How Daddy and I cannot begin to remember our lives without you in them. We are celebrating how very thankful we are that all turned out well with the court proceedings, how God blessed us and kept you with us.

When we were waiting for a baby, a child that was a perfect fit into our family, we prayed for you. We prayed for your birthmom and birthdad. We prayed that God would keep you healthy as you grew in your birthmom's tummy. We also prayed that you, the child God intended to be a Herrman, would be a perfect fit. It's still so amazing to me how God was able to hand select you, me, and Daddy to be together as a family. Seven years ago, when we started trying to have a family, God already knew that YOU were the baby we would wait for. He knew that we needed you.

Gabe, we love you so much. As I'm typing this, I'm crying, thinking about how very much I love you and how much of a miracle your adoption has been. Because of one perfect, very loved baby, Daddy and I have a family, a wonderful relationship with your birth family, and joy beyond words. One tiny baby has brought two families together. One tiny baby has brought his grandparents so much delight. One tiny baby is growing into a big boy. My big boy.

Tonight, when I put you to bed, we had a bit of conversation. First, we said our prayers. Then, I covered you up and said, "I love you love you love you, baby". And you said, "La Yu. Ba Ba?" So, I gave you your bottle. As I was leaving your room, I said, "Sleepy Good!" and you said, "La Yu!" Gabe, to hear you say love you is the sweetest sound in the world. My heart is overflowing.

I love you, Gabe Herrman. You are so loved - never forget for a minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

All my love,
Momma

Summertime

Last week, Little Gabers was invited to his first Splash Party. He had so much fun. So did I. I loved watching my little guy play with all the other kids. I loved watching him just stare at the older kids with amazement. He's so cute. Look at that little belly.

When we got to the Splash Party, Keith - the dad in charge - said, "Can I take him?" Um, yeah! Go for it! Keith took him down the slide, showed him all of the activities, and then when Gabe went to his garage door and said "Jucsh", Keith went in and got him a juice box. Greg often takes Gabe down to Keith's garage to visit - ya know, guy time. So, Gabe is used to going to Keith's for a jucsh box. I thought it was funny that he remembered where to go and that he knew exactly what he wanted at Keith's house. Keith's wife, Beth did an awesome job of organizing the splash party with games, snacks, and rules (because with 20ish kids, you need them!) I'm so glad Gabe was invited to have a fun summer day!

Lately, we've been dealing a lot with temper issues, hitting, and biting. Basically, when he doesn't get his way, he either hits or bites. Not fun. As a parent, the hardest thing so far has not been the lack of sleep, the poopy diapers, or the eating challenges. Nope, it has been disciplining. There are times when we say "no" and Gabe just looks right at us and does it anyway. There are times when we have to let him throw a tantrum and just ignore it - this seems to work the best. He gets mad, then gets really mad when you're ignoring it, and then he's over it. I figure as long as we're keeping him safe from harm, this is probably ok. I don't want to draw attention to the behavior because then he knows it gets our attention. Ugh. It's tough.

Last night, I asked him if he loved me & Daddy. Usually he says, "yeah" or "Cheyeah". Last night he said "uh uh". Oh, that was hard to take. He's never said that before. I realize now that he was just mad at us, but ouch. Ouch. I know, I know... this is the first of many times that our child will hurt our feelings. That's another hard thing about being a parent - you give and give, you sacrifice, you go without sleep, you put them above all of your needs, and then they tell you "uh uh." That's tough.

However, God certainly knew what he was doing when he made the relationship between a parent and a child. He blessed us with those tender moments - when little boys want to be held by their mommy, when children say "La You" for the first time, when parents watch their children sleep. These are the moments that make it all SO worth it. These are the moments we waited for. The stinkerness, the poopy pants, the hitting and biting are all phases (hopefully) and God gave us these little blessings to help us get through it. When I watch Gabe sleep, sometimes I am so overwhelmed with love for him that I almost feel like my heart is going to overflow. I tear up many nights watching him over his crib and praying for him.

Forgive me for rambling... Sometimes it helps me to talk it out.

Gabe's Friends

Our friends Craig and Darci were so generous and invited all of us to their family's cottage on the lake this last weekend. There were 4 babies there! All between the ages of 9 months to 16 months. Gabe had a great time with his friends. All of the kids were so good. Considering 3 of them were in a new place, they were fantastic. Gabe went on boat rides, played with new toys, and got to hang out with his buddy Jack:

A few times, Jack would say, "Hey, how about I take Gabe for a walk?" This gave me and Gabe's dad a chance to just sit down and relax and not have to worry about chasing after a toddler. I'm just so proud of how well Gabe behaved. I think we only had one little temper tantrum and it wasn't even a bad one. He did great on the car ride too.

I'm so happy that Gabe is going to grow up with this great support system of friends that we have in our lives. We've kept our small group going now for a few years and it is truly a joy to spend time together. We even get to see Jeremy & Opal, our former youth pastor and his wife, when we go to the cottage. It's awesome how we can just pick up from where we left off in talking with them.

I love all of these friends not just because of the fun we have with them, or the Bible studies we share, or the fellowship time we have, or the meals we share together. I love all of these friends because of how they love my son so much. It's so great to see someone love your child. It's a wonderful feeling. Afterall, Gabe is the bomb. He's an awesome kid and it's cool when other people see it too.

So, Did Ya Hear?

Somebody totally rocked the house with these awesome shirts for Gabe! Thanks Grandma! LYWUTTS!!

Also, we have a new trick... Last night, Gabe used a fork to eat dinner! It was too cute. He was so proud of himself and he kept on diggin' in. My baby is growing up. He jumped on a trampoline the other night (supervised, of course).

Sometimes, especially when I'm going through Gabe's clothes and putting away the baby blue outfits he's outgrown, I get really sad. I do look forward to each new adventure like talking, riding bikes, etc... But, part of me mourns that cuddly baby stage. Even though I encourage his independence and try and teach him new things, part of me wants him to remain dependent on me. I miss him falling asleep in my arms with his ba ba. (Now I put him in the crib). I miss carrying him around everywhere, even though he was heavy. (Now, he runs all over the house). I think it's natural for moms to feel this way. I was just watching a Tivo'd Dr. Phil and some crazy lady still hadn't let go and let her son grow up ... he was 39 years old and he was still dependent on her. Now, that's an extreme.

I hope for Gabe that he develops a strong sense of independence, even if it means breaking away from me. It may hurt and I may miss those moments, but the more he does on his own and the more he grows, the better adjusted he'll be. I realize that I have quite a few years yet, but there will come a time when he's on his own. When he has a job and a family. God-willing, I'm there to witness it all. I hope that he'll be independent enough to have and enjoy those things, and dependent enough to lean on me when he needs me even then.

I miss those baby moments. But, I am enjoying each and every moment watching him grow and mature into a little boy. He learns new things all the time. He's like a little sponge just taking it all in. It's amazing. I can't stress enough how thankful I am to be a parent to such a wonderful, smart, funny, happy child. God has truly fulfilled the desires of my heart, just as He promised.

The Middle - Part 2

So, where did I leave off?

If you're a follower of our blog, then you'll remember that I was telling our story. The story of how we became a family. I have gotten a lot of comments from others on sharing our story. Many people have been glad that we've shared it. So, now, it is time for the 2nd installment.

When Greg told me that he wanted to pursue adoption, I was thrilled. I couldn't believe my ears. My best friend and I had literally been praying for God to move him and open him up to the possibility of loving a child that was not biologically ours. Oh, does God work in such magnificent ways. He knew the timing. He knew what would happen.

So, in the early Fall of 2005, we began asking around about adoption agencies. We had an acquaintance that was "in" the adoption field and we asked him where he would go if he could choose an agency. He suggested The Love Basket. He said they were wonderful people to work with. So, I contacted them and we requested an initial application. We completed the initial paperwork and waited. On Thanksgiving, we found out that our first application (Packet I) had been approved. With that letter, we received Packet II. This packet contained an application that was a lot longer. This required references with letters, physical exams, salary and tax information, our marriage history, etc. This packet was at least an inch and 1/2 thick when we received it.

So, we worked and worked on this packet. We had to tell our life stories, how we met, how we handled conflict, etc... This took quite a while. Also, because Love Basket is based in Missouri, we had to find an Illinois-based agency to conduct our home study. I was a little nervous about the idea of a home study. I was so afraid (which I know now I totally shouldn't have been!) that they'd find something wrong with our house. Should I light candles for a nice smelling house or will she think that's a fire hazard? Should I bake cookies, or is that too June Cleaver? Should I leave vacuum marks in the carpet, or does that look like I'm a clean freak? All of these things pop into your head. You just want to make the best impression.

So, after calling a lot of agencies in Illinois, I found one that we really liked. Our case worker, A., met with us briefly to just do a meet & greet before we set up the home study. We really liked A. She was around our age and didn't make us feel nervous at all. We set up the home study for the end of March, 2006. All the while, we were working diligently on Packet II.

For Packet II and for the home study, we had to be fingerprinted. We also needed copies of our taxes, birth certificates, and marriage licenses. For Packet II, because Love Basket is a Christian-based organization, we had to have a reference from our pastor and we had to attend a panel discussion hosted at Love Basket. We also attended an adoption support group located in a nearby city. Both of these experiences have been invaluable to us as adoptive parents. We learned so much about open adoption and how to treat birth parents. We also learned a lot about the stereotypes of adoption. We were so impacted by the panel discussion and the support group. We just knew that God had pointed us in the right direction. In fact, the panel discussion (held in January of 2006) solidified our decision. We knew we were meant to adopt. In addition to the panel discussion, support group, fingerprinting, and life histories, we had to attend CPR training as well as parenting classes. We sat in the parenting classes with a bunch of pregnant couples. We were the only waiting adoptive parents in the group and everyone wanted to talk to us. They were so interested in our story, the process, and how long things took. We were the first adoptive couple that our teacher had instructed too. That parenting class was fun and invaluable. Every couple should take one of those classes when preparing for a baby.

Our home study went very well in March and we found out shortly after that we had passed. In preparing for the home study, we had to complete a TON of paperwork for our Illinois agency as well! I think had we known that we'd like A and the agency so well, we probably would've just skipped working with Love Basket, but Love Basket was essential in our adoption journey. We learned so much from their requirements. We never would've attended the panel or the support group. We also never would've met some wonderful people. Next, we had to wait for the Illinois agency to get the home study report to Love Basket. A advised us that she would also show our profile as well if we would like so we could have it shown in multiple states. I was all for that! The more agencies that had our profile (a small scrapbook about us that birth parents viewed) the better.

So, now, it's June of 2006, all the paperwork is done... and we wait...

Thankful

Gabers is still loving basketball. Um, Mom & Dad.... You guys wanna play? I miss Gabe today... I haven't seen him since this morning. I got my hair cut after work and by time I got home, he was already in bed. He's quite a good sleeper. He goes to bed usually by 7:30 and then we have to wake him most of the time at 7:00. So, it's nice for me & Greg in the evenings that we get a little down time before we have to go to bed. The only thing that stinks about it is if I have to do something after work, sometimes I miss getting to see him in the evenings.

Every night before we go to bed, I always tip toe in his room and just make sure that he's still there. I don't know if I think he's just a dream or what, but I go in and peek. I'm so glad that I do. He looks so sweet and angelic. I whisper to him that I love him and then I feel like I can go to sleep for the night. One of my friends who's a parent of an older child said you never tire of doing that. You always want to peek in on your sleeping child.

As tough as parenting is, God sure gave us some wonderful moments to balance it out. When you're tired, your back hurts, and you've stepped on Megablocks or a crushed piece of banana on the floor, you can tip toe in their room and see them sleeping-getting ready for the next day. Or, when they splash water all over the bathroom floor, or they poop in the tub (thank goodness that has only been one time!), you can nearly tear up when they hug you and pat your back while they're hugging. God sure knew how to make it all work. He knew we'd need moments like this. Thankfully, He has made us aware of them and has helped Greg and I to realize just how special it is and how good it is to be Gabe's parents. Thank you for that, God. There were times when I doubted your timing, but you sure knew what you were doing when you put the three of us together. And, I will be forever grateful.

Jesus Loves Him - this I know.

I think I have mentioned in a previous post that Gabe is learning to "say" his prayers. At supper time, we say "Gabey, let's say our prayers" and he folds his hands with me and Daddy and we say the prayer I grew up with as a child:

Come Lord, Jesus, be our guest.

And let these gifts to us be blessed.

Amen.

I love that when we ask him to say his prayers, he knows to fold his hands. God must be smiling when he sees a child learning to pray. I know I am. I can only hope this is the very beginning of a lifetime relationship with God for Gabe. Although, it would be a better start if we could find a church that we like. We'd probably be able to find one if we didn't sleep in on Sundays. It's so hard to get back into the swing of things when you're used to sleeping in (Ok, I'll admit, Greg usually lets me have Sunday mornings to go back to bed - he's so great!)

So, if any of you out there are pray-ers - like little Gabster, please pray that we get our butts outta bed and find a nice church family. (Eloquent, I know) We're certainly missing that in our lives right now. Until we get back into the swing of things we'll keep praying with little Gabe and we'll keep singing "This Little Light of Mine" and "Zacheus" during bathtime... I'm really trying to teach him how to hold up a candle... he doesn't quite get it, but he likes the "don't let Satan *wooooh* it out..." part. I love this little boy. It's time we start teaching him about Jesus - the One who loves him, this I know.

Products of a Busy Weekend

1. Scrapped. A LOT. It was a great time. I arrived at Marya's at 2:00 in the afternoon and I left at 10:30. She is too fun to scrap with - had a blast.

2. Found out that Greg and I are TOO old to go to the bars. Lindsey turned 21 and we thought we'd at least to go the first bar with the "kids" and we found out very soon that we are not very cool. We ended up playing electronic Baggo - yes, we really are that lame.

3. Shot my first engagement session of photos! I had a blast. I'm not a professional by any means, but DANG was it fun. Immediately when we got home, I started playing with all of the photoshop actions I have. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Oh, it was so much fun. I was so honored that they asked me to do it. They actually asked me to do their wedding too! I had to turn them down. There is just NO way I'm ready for that. I always said I just wanted to do this for fun, and I really don't think a wedding would be that fun for me...I know I would stress out - Big Time. But, man, what an honor to be asked. Someone trusting you with one of the most precious days of their life! WOW! I am going to be making their save the dates too.

Gabe sure is doing well. He got to meet a couple of dogs with Dad today while I was taking pictures... those poor pups are probably worn out tonight! He kept chasing them and trying to give them a kiss. One of them was a greyhound. Can you imagine!?

Gabe's learned how to sign "more", he's learning to say his prayers (folding his hands), and we're working on getting rid of the bottle. He can show you he's one and he also can tell you what a monster (or a lion) says! Rarrrrr! My little boy is growing ... too quickly!

Once Upon A Time...

"There was a little boy named, Gabe. He had so many people in his life that loved him and cared about him..."

Last night, my little toddler did something he doesn't do very much any more... he cuddled with me. It was right before bedtime and he'd just finished his "ba" and we were sitting on the couch. I thought it was the perfect time to lightly rub his cheek and tell him his adoption story. The beginning of this blog is how it started out. I told him that we loved him so much and that we care so much for his birth family. I named so many people that love him and care about him from both families as well as all of our dear friends.

Gabe just laid there looking up at me so intently. I stopped rubbing his cheek and he did the sweetest thing... He took ahold of my hand and put it back on his cheek and not near as smoothly started rubbing his cheek. Oh, I love this little boy. It makes me tear up right now just thinking about it. It makes me forget that he woke up at 4:30 this morning and fell back to sleep 5 minutes before my alarm went off. It makes me forget that he kicks his feet when we change his diaper. It makes me forget waking up at 2:00 a.m. to get a bottle.

It reminds me, however, that I am this little, wonderful boy's Mommy. The kisser of owies, the calmer of cries, the one he reaches for when I drop him off at the sitters, the one who loves him so much it hurts, the one who teaches him how to say his prayers. What a wonderful gift to have moments like this that remind us of how incredibly amazing being a mommy is. Sure, there are hard, back-breaking moments, but oh those little ones that touch our hearts have such a stronger impact. I love being a mommy. I am so thankful that God fulfilled the desire of my heart - it was worth every minute of the wait.

It was a Very Good Year

2007. It was a fantastic year.

Here are some of the highlights:

• Gabey Baby was born and adopted into our family
• The Gabe's Mom blog began
• Greg & I went on a cruise (while on the cruise we found out we'd be parents!)
• Greg got a promotion
• Gabe's Mom has developed a passion for photography
• Gabe's first friend Caleb was born
• The Lord answered many prayers for us - healthy family, friends, food on the table, a roof over our heads, and far too many more to list
• We had a wonderful year with our families and friends
• We had 3 great visits with Gabe's birth mom
• We bought a new home

I could go on and on about the wonderful things that happened this year. I can only pray that 2008 is just as wonderful and that our lives are just as blessed. Greg and I were talking today and we said we just couldn't believe how great things were going for us here lately. We have a lovely home, a healthy, happy child, and wonderful friends and family. I know I go on and on about our blessings, but I really feel we need to celebrate them everyday. We need to cherish them every moment.

Before becoming parents, Greg and I went through many times of pain and suffering. We endured seeing the result of a house fire at our family's farm, we waited with worry throughout my brother and sister's healing after the accident, we experienced the loss of family members and friends, we went through years of infertility; we've had a long, painful road. But finally, we feel like we're enjoying life. We're experiencing huge blessings. I know, through all of that pain there were daily blessings too. None of them outweighed the pain though. Now, we are a family. We are whole and complete. We really feel joy. Joy. What a wonderful feeling. So, I guess that's why I'm not afraid to remind myself (and others!) of it every day. I know bad times will come again some day, but right now, I'm enjoying joy.

Here are some joyFULL moments from New Years:

Gabe and his friend, Caleb - trying to wear the hats from Tami

Gabe "helping" Caleb take his hat off

I'm finally able to use my collection of Winterberry dishes... we had a wonderful New Year's Eve with friends, food, & games.

Happy New Year with the Harlands

Happy New Year from Gabe's Mom! We hope this year brings you many blessings!

Remembering

This time of year is always hard for me. Even though I think about our child that we lost to miscarriage everyday, it's especially hard now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I think about what might have been with that child. I miss our child even though we never met. I also think about how God can see the tapestry of our lives while all we see are the threads that make it up. He knew that Gabe was meant to be in our family. Had I given birth to our biological child, we would not have Gabe. It's not a trade - I just wish I could have them both. They are both my children; one I have been able to raise and nurture and the other, I will always have in my heart.

This is Gabe's first Christmas. This thought has brought me so much joy. We are able to share our first Christmas as a family together. I do not take these days for granted. I love Gabe so much. Here is a picture of him in the jammies Nana got him:
Christmas is a time of joy - the birth of our Savior, time with friends & family, presents, snow, etc... I am full of joy to be Gabe's mom. I am thankful, so very thankful, that he is my son.