The Beginning - Part 3

If you have been following our story, you'll know it's been awhile since I've written about the adoption journey that lead us to these doors. When I took this picture, Gabe's birthmom was in labor and I was pacing back and forth. Greg and Gabe's birthmom's brother were sitting and talking. I was pacing.

Let me back up a bit though. I left off here in case you want a refresher as to where we are. So, it's June, we're on the list, and we're waiting. Every couple of weeks, I email our agencies to see if there's any news, but each time they tell me that they will let us know. So, we spent a lot of time in June just doing things together and spending quality time with our friends. During June, we had a great little motorcycle day trip and I believe we went to Darci & Craig's cottage. Also, I was on LA Weightloss at the time and I had just lost 26 pounds. Things were going great. In fact, in July - July 18th - I found out I was pregnant.

I couldn't believe it. We weren't trying. We were very happy to be on the adoption waiting list - we were so excited to be adopting our first child. We really felt like this is right where the Lord had directed us. We thought it was His plan. Little did we know, His plan would include this pregnancy.

We were beaming. We couldn't contain our joy and didn't delay in telling our family. We told them that night. Greg's parents had a dinner for the farm and my parents were camping. Greg's mom and dad thought we were talking about adoption - we showed them a Harley jacket for a baby. My mom squealed. My dad actually had to tell my mom to be quiet because we were at the campground. Greg's parents came to the campground too. We got pictures together and spent the evening just saying, "I can't believe it."

I went to my first ultrasound at around 5 1/2 weeks and the doctor saw a flickering heartbeat. We were even able to hear it. My mom and Greg's mom were with us and we were all crying. I was shaking so hard from crying that they had to tell me to stop so they could hear the baby. I will never ever forget the sound of that beautiful heartbeat. The doctor told me he wanted to do another sonogram in 10 days to make sure things were going smoothly. Greg left in a couple of days for a motorcycle trip with his dad, so Greg's mom would be going to that appointment with me.

A couple of days after we found out about the pregnancy, we received a call from one of our adoption agencies that a woman was in labor and wanted to meet some couples. We really felt that we had to say, "no" because we didn't think it would be fair to the other families waiting to have a child, if we were to be chosen. Also, I don't know if we could've handled 2 children at once! To this day, I still think maybe my pregnancy saved me from a potentially bad situation - not that it was the reason I was pregnant, but it was a factor in saying "no" to meeting that birth mom. Maybe the birth mom would've chosen us. Maybe she would've changed her mind in the 2 week window that the state of Missouri has. Maybe the situation with the birth father would have been trouble. Who knows.

At the next doctors appointment, I was scheduled for another sonogram. I was so unbelievably excited. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I bought a pregnancy journal and started a Mother's Journal for our baby. I wrote that I couldn't wait to see the baby again. When the nurse did the sonogram, she had a really hard time finding the heartbeat. She said she needed to call the doctor in. I knew immediately that the baby was gone. They didn't have to tell me. I knew. In fact, throughout the time I was pregnant, I think I always knew that I wouldn't get an opportunity to raise this child. Don't ask me how I knew... I just did. Mother's intuition, maybe.

The doctor came in and told me & Greg's mom the terrible news that I had a missed miscarriage. We were devastated. I will always remember that day. It's almost like I can replay it in my mind, but I'm watching it all happen from above - I know that probably sounds weird, but that's how I recall it. Greg's mom was absolutely fantastic. We had friends visiting, people praying, and others that would just hug me while I cried. I have never experienced something so painful in all my life. Greg and his dad came home and Greg and I looked at each other and just didn't know what to say. I had a procedure done and found out that there was nothing wrong with the baby chromosome-wise. This was good news, according to the doctor. To me, I was just even more frustrated. There was no explanation. No reason why our child was gone. I still grieve the child we lost. I still think of her every due date anniversary and every anniversary when I found out she was gone. Her loss was agony. I couldn't understand why God fulfilled the desires of my heart and then so quickly took her away. I don't think I'll ever understand that. I have blogged more about my thoughts on the miscarriage on my other site.

After a couple of months, we informed our agencies that we were ready to be back on the list. We weren't going to try the common infertility drugs like Lupron & Clomid again. We still felt like we were meant to adopt. Sure, we may get pregnant in the future, but right now, adoption was God's way. So, we were reactivated. And.... we wait.

I'm trying to decide if I should go on and make this the longest blog post ever... I guess I will. Grab a cup of coffee or a soda, and chat with me for a bit longer...

In January, we received a call from Adoptions of Illinois. There was a birth mom due with a little boy and she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. She was due very soon. The birth mom wanted to meet us after reading our profile. We were ecstatic. When Greg called me to tell me, I was sitting in the parking lot of our pharmacy. All I could say was, "Greg, we might have a boy. A son." It was Monday, and we were leaving for a cruise on Friday. Wednesday, 2 days after receiving the call, we met with Gabe's birth mom, mother, and best friend.

Instantly, we seemed to hit it off with them. We talked about movies, likes, dislikes, hobbies, discipline plans, goals, religion, etc... any big or little topic, we covered. They were all so easy to talk to. Greg and I had decided before we even walked in the room we were going to completely be ourselves. No "super parent" attitude. No, "we're the perfect couple". We wanted his birth family to choose us because we're us. That's the best thing we could've done. They liked us! That day, that room was filled with laughter, a few tears (from me when I talked about becoming a parent some day), and calmness. When we walked out of the room (I still can't believe I said this...) I said to Greg, "We nailed it! It went so well!" That totally seems to contradict the "be yourself" attitude we had when going in there. I think I was just so excited that I meant, "We did just what we said we'd do and they liked us! I think they may pick us!"

We didn't know for sure if we should go on the cruise since Gabe's birth mom was due so soon. She thought we should still go and she definitley wouldn't base her decision on whether or not we'd be here. So, reluctantly, we decided to go. While on the ship, (a week after meeting her) we received an email that Gabe's birth mom had chosen us. We were going to be parents. We told my parents first because we were on the cruise with them and then called Greg's parents. We also called Darci & Craig. We were so excited, we ran out of our room on the ship trying to find my parents. When we told them, mom squealed (again) causing our neighbors to open their door. When we told them the news, they handed us a bottle of wine and said, "Here, you need to celebrate!".

On our way home from the cruise, Thursday, one week and one day after meeting Gabe's birth mom, we found out that she had started to dialate. We were freaking out thinking we wouldn't make it home in time. We didn't know that a woman could dialate days before the birth! Friday night, my mom, my mother in law, and my sister in law went shopping with me to buy all the necessities for baby. It was so much fun. AND, overwhelming. I couldn't believe it. I was going to be a Mommy. That Sunday, just 11 days after meeting his birth mom, Gabe was born at 12:59 pm.

There you have it. Our Story. It's a great one, isn't it? Gabey, we love you and we couldn't have planned it any better than it unfolded.