How can it be wrong?

In trying to learn more about birth moms and adoption, I went searching for blogs on the subject. Any adoptive moms out there - I HIGHLY discourage this! You will run into some crazy people. I went searching so I could see how birth moms felt later in life. Were there many successful open adoptions out there? Are there things I shouldn't say to Gabe's birth mom so I don't ever say something insensitive or hurtful unintentionally? Wrong thing to do.

I ended up finding this woman's blog who had "lost a child to adoption" 15 years ago. She was so full of anger and hatred towards the entire idea of adoption. To her, using the term birth mom was calling a "1st mom" a "breeder". She was just SO far on the opposite end of the spectrum as me. When I tried commenting on her blog to let her know that adoption CAN be a good thing, and that any pregnant woman makes the CHOICE to place her child, she proceeded to call me terrible, vulgar names. She accused me of being naive, a bigot, and self righteous. She said some terrible things to me. Things I'll never forget. She made me question whether or not we "took" Gabe from his "breeder".

I felt so uneasy about all of this. How can his adoption be wrong? It isn't. It's good. It's loving. I never, nor did our agency, try to persuade his birth mom in any way. Our agency worker spoke with her several times, always asking if she was comfortable with the choice she made. There was no telling this woman this. I finally just gave up. I felt defeated. There are some people that are just so full of hate. I'd never met one, before her.

She also stated she was coerced into this adoption. My entire point was - I would move hell or high water before I would ever let someone take my child. If I did not want someone else to adopt my child, they wouldn't. I would CHOOSE to keep my child. My entire point was she had a choice - hard as it may be, you always do. Do I believe adoption coercion exists? I believe there can be pressure on birth moms. But they still have a choice! No one can MAKE you reliquish your child. I know in our case, Gabe's birth mom had 3 days after his delivery to change her mind regarding the adoption. (The time frame varies from state to state). Granted 15 years ago, those mandates may not have been in place. I don't know. I guess if someone was trying to force me to give up my child, as his mother, I would not let it happen. They'd have to destroy me first. I know things would be hard. I know some women don't have families or birth fathers in the picture. But still, nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, of my own free will would separate me from my child. I would find a way.

Any time I posted a comment on this woman's blog, she deleted it, but would leave her return comments about my post on her blog. They were full of insults, full of inaccuracies as far as referring to my posts, and extremely hurtful. I feel better now that I've been able to express my feelings on Gabe's Mom.

I know in my heart we didn't do anything wrong in adopting Gabe. It was wonderful - our dreams came true. It was sorrowful - we watched a birth mom reliquish her child. It IS such a blessing now. We have an excellent relationship with his birth mom and she is anything but "just a breeder".

Thank you for listening to me rant - I needed to get my feelings out there. I feel sorry for this woman. I can only hope someday she can find some peace.