For I have been a bad blogger. It has been 10 days since my last blog post.
I apologize in advance for this post. It may be kind of a downer. But, UGH. That's all I can say. Things have been hard lately. Like, really hard. Gabe has been quite a challenge. Temper tantrums have started and unfortunately they have started earlier than the "terrible two's". Is there such a thing as the Terrible 17th month?
I have been so frustrated because he just doesn't listen to us. I talked with my mom and she said "you just can't reason with a 1 1/2 year old". It makes me feel a little bit better. Because, to tell you the truth, I've been doubting myself a lot. Do I really have what it takes to be a good momma? Am I cut out for this? Am I going to "mess him up" if I don't do the right things? I know I'm going to make mistakes, but lately, it doesn't feel like I've been succeeding at anything. I feel like there's more pressure because he's adopted. What I mean by that is someone else - a complete stranger at the time - trusted me to raise her son. His birth family has never made me feel this way, but sometimes I feel like all eyes are on me. Like everyone is watching to see if I'll succeed or not in raising an adopted child.
I just love him so much. I want him to have a good childhood. I want him to be happy. I want so much for this wonderful child that has been entrusted to our care. But, at the same time, I don't want to give him all he wants all the time and raise a spoiled kid. I know it's a balance. I know you have to find what works. And, I know that each child is different. When do you figure it out? Is that like the secret to life question? The holy grail?
I guess we just have to do the best we can, try not to lose our mind analyzing all that we do, and just try to love the heck out of our kids... even when they have a tantrum. Even when they've woken up a couple of times during the night for an hour at a time. Even when they pull your hair. Even when they headbutt you and give you a fat lip (happened to me Sunday).
I would just ask that you pray for me, Gabe's Momma. That I cut myself a little bit of a break and that I realize that I'm doing the best I can do. I also ask that you pray for Greg too. We both are having a tough time with the tough love part of parenting. Lastly, please pray for wisdom for us - that we make the best choices for this awesome little guy. Thank you in advance for your prayers and again, sorry for the "Debbie Downer" post.
I did debate on putting this post on Gabe's Mom. I have tried really hard to keep from sharing the "ugly stuff" on here so Gabe doesn't have to read about it later. But, tonight, I realized that maybe it's not such a bad thing that he sees some of the challenges too. Hopefully, he will see that despite the tough times and the "terrible 17th month" that we still love him more than anything/anyone we could imagine. Maybe he'll see that being a parent isn't easy, but it is the best thing I've ever had the privilege of doing.
Here are a few photos of Gabe playing with the garden hose. This has become his new favorite activity.
Yes, Greg taught Gabe how to hold the hose like a "weiner". Ugh. Boys.